Sunday, February 14, 2016

"Pushing Pass the Pain"

About three weeks ago I experienced the worst pain possible, pain brought upon me in the form of a toothache, yes a toothache. Have you ever seen a grown woman cry and brought to her knees because of pain, well that happened to me and my kids saw me in this pain. They wanted to help me so badly, they rubbed me from head to toe trying to soothe me. I remember feeling so helpless and numb with pain. My hubby reached for painkillers and tried to make me as comfortable as possible, but nothing seemed to work immediately.

I wanted this pain gone like now! but the medication had not kicked in yet,it eventually did and I could sleep till the morning. I woke up tired and still in pain, got ready for work and made a dentist appointment. I had a very bad experience at a dentist years ago and it put such fear in me knowing I had to go back. The unbearable pain forced me to go back, the pain pushed me. Long story short about two weeks ago I had an extraction done I chose to be sedated for this procedure.

I was relieved when it was all over, I was a little bruised, swollen lips and cheeks, and very uncomfortable. I remember thinking I can't be seen like this, looking unlovely and slurring my words. I was booked off work but was constantly checking my emails and tried answering calls that was forwarded to my cell. Life around me still continued, I still got up every morning while recovering from the pain as I knew my family needed my help. There was no way my hubby was going to fix the girls hair, I chose to still make breakfast and prepare their lunch packs and see them off as every other day. It was in this moment that I realised that life happens in the midst of pain. Life does not wait for you to get better, it continues with or without you. You have the responsibility in how you respond.

We all experience pain whether physical or emotional, I endured the physical pain and it reminded me of how I deal with emotional pain. In most cases I want to move on as fast as possible, fix what has been broken. I looked at myself and realised that some stuff needs more time than others and pushing through the pain is not always easy but is necessary. When you have been hurt  you want to understand why me? You immediately want to have some distance to analyze the situation to understand what you did to bring this pain upon yourself, with my toothache I remember thinking why did I not make the dentist appointment sooner, when the first toothache started I would have saved myself from the immense pain, time and even money.

In the midst of all this I heard the voice of the Holy Spirit saying Push Pass your Pain for the sake of what lies ahead, don't become numb and stay in this place, greater victories await you. Stretch your faith and believe that you will heal from these wounds. Those words gave me the hope and strenght knowing that whatever I was going through at that particular time, that God already saw my outcome. As I close this chapter three weeks later, I can smile again, my mouth has healed, I can sing again, I can talk without slurring my words, the pain is gone. The lesson for me was not to ignore the pain, but to seek help, address the issue at hand inorder for process of healing to start. I trust you learned something as I did, there is great purpose when we endure pain, it can push you to the next level if you open and obedient to His voice or it can destroy you should you choose to stay therein. Joy comes in the morning !!

Thank you for coming by I would love to hear from you.

 Much love VPS xxx 

Sunday, November 1, 2015

He knows my name

The song that has brought me through this season lyrics by Israel Houghton 

He knows my name

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life is in His hands

He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
And he hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me his own
He"ll never leave me
No matter where I go

This song reminds me of the plan and love God had for me even before I was thought of He had a knew about me I am amazed by the way He loves me.
I have been putting this post off for the longest time. Its so personal but I know I have to share this as someone needs to read this. The past few weeks has just been a confirmation of what was on my heart until this morning in service when the Holy Spirit spoke to me loud and clear through this song, I sang it with tears streaming down my face and that was my ultimate confirmation. I choose to be obedient, and I remain true to this blog by only writing what God lays on my heart.

I grew up without the love of my father. He was never present in my life and this caused much confusion and insecurity in my life. The stories my mom told me about my father was that they had a great love, he was the love of her life at the time. He use to sing to her and played the guitar. I guess my love for singing has something to do with him? They never married as he was a bit of a "ladies man".
I remember growing up and needing answers to why he did not want to get to know me, or rather he never pursued me. This left me broken and deeply hurt knowing that I could never call him daddy. I never felt the love, the embrace the encouragement, the validation, the affirmation from my father. I knew who he was but did not know him at all. I remember when I was old enough to decide what I wanted to do with all the information I had about him. I wanted to free myself from the emotional pain and the longing for this void to be filled. I determined in my heart with the love and encouragement of my mom that I wanted to see my dad face to face. It was like yesterday that I took two taxi's to meet with him, he did not know that I was coming. I made up my mind and heart that I wanted to release him and forgive him for failing me as a father.
I got off at the stop on the road where he lived and walked towards his house. As a 16 year old girl I was determined that today is my day. As I turned the corner I saw him and I knew who he was. He did not recognise me at first. I greeted him politely and  introduced myself as his daughter, he said I though you were my daughters friend. That just hurt so much at the time. I told him
" I am here to see you" I did all the talking and told him this" I forgive you for not being part of my life, I forgive you for walking away, I said to him you wont understand what I am doing today, I am doing this for me this is not about you. I had to explain myself to him, I told him that I am a child of God and I refuse to live my life like this anymore, I needed to be free. Free from the pain of rejection.
He stood there in awe, he broke down like a baby and cried we embraced and I finally released my father.He asked me to forgive him and I did in a heartbeat.
I walked away from his house feeling as light as air, the load has finally been lifted. My heart was free from anger and resentment and the spirit of rejection was broken over my life in that moment.
I thank God that He was always by my side as a young girl at the age of 16 I chose His way. I had the support of my mom and sisters and had good people that walked the road to acceptance and restoration. The thoughts I had towards my father were good ones I did not long for him anymore. I kept many journals throughout my youth days as this was my way of expressing my thoughts to the Lord as He alone knew how I felt. I surrendered my life, my heart, my all to Jesus the lover and healer of my soul.
This act is my story, my pain and freedom all one. I am not ashamed of what I have been through, It has shaped me and made me draw closer to God. God has been a good Father to me, he physically placed people in my life that could show me what it means to be loved, how it feels to be accepted.
If you can relate to my story in anyway and you know that you have to release and forgive someone, do it. I hope I have inspired you. Your healing awaits you dont delay it another day. This is your time too, its never to late.
Today I am married to a wonderful man that loves me, we have two daughters and they never ever will know rejection. I marvel as I look at my daughters and their relationship with their father. They trust that he will catch them when they fall, they know that his arms are always open when they need an embrace.
My heart is full as end this chapter off.
I have a Heavenly Father who knows my name before even time began, my life is in His hands.
I love you Lord, thank you for keeping me and loving me only the way that you can.
Your daughter

Friday, August 28, 2015

Walking in your Purpose

                                        Purpose is defined as:
The reason for existence, the reason for which something exists or for which it has been done or made.

I am always seeking to live a life filled with purpose, and I know that I can only truly find purpose and peace and meaning to life in God. I can try and fill the void with many earthly things that brings me pleasure for a while, but nothing can fill me up like the love of God.

I have a enquiring mind and sometimes want to figure things out with my head reminds me of my daughter Jodi, always asking questions?  I had a vision for my life since I was a little girl, just dreaming about a better life, hoping that things will change and believing that there must be more to life. I was very talented in school took part in choir, art, drama, sports and would always volunteer when help was required. I believe that God already prepared me for His purposes way back then.

I remember looking in the mirror whilst still growing up and asking myself, why are you here? why is your name Verna? what does your name mean? what are you suppose to do with your life? Growing up in Port Elizabeth in a municipal two bedroom house with so many relatives was all I knew and was okay with it.I grew up with little and was thankful for what we had, not having my own bedroom for instance, sharing was the name of the game. That's all I knew and it was enough at the time as I knew no other way, but I never stopped dreaming.
I would sit in class looking out the window and dream that one day I will change people's lives. I always saw the silver lining, and remember speaking to my class mates in an encouraging way even though I had less than them. So without me realising that inspiration has taken root in my heart, I was always drawn to people that had real stories about life and survival.
Finding God's purpose for my life was something I wanted to know and understand. 

Today as a wife and mom  and career woman I am more determined to walk in my purpose in all these different roles. We serve many purposes in many peoples lives, in the workplace and in ministry, but I believe that God gave us His desires and therefore we are able to fulfill so many tasks and influence so many lives. We all called to fulfill His plan for such a time as this, but we have to choose His way.

I also remember a time in my life where I doubted the very gift God blessed me with, because of limitations that was placed on me by people. I felt lost and questioned the very thing I knew I was born to do. Singing is my way of expressing my love for God, I get completely lost in it. I'm not the world greatest singer but know that through singing I expressed the voice of God and utter a message that is needed for a specific season. I will always be a worshipper that is who I am. His breathe is in my lungs.

Never be afraid to live in the purpose of God for your life.
Never apologise to people for the gifts and talents God has placed on your life, embrace the plans God has for your life. Live a life of grace and be unapologetic for who you have become, stay humble and flexible always ready to be molded into the shape He requires us to be. God has called us to greatness He uses people that are willing and obedient, ordinary people doing extraordinary things.

Walk in His Purpose for your life today He has our best interest at heart.
 Jeremiah 29:11 says is so well " For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

A post by Sarah Mae "How to Live a Satisfied Life"

"Abraham breathed his last and died in a ripe old age, an old man and satisfied with life."
Genesis 25:8a (NASB)

I was lying in bed one morning, my sweet daughter Caroline tucked in close, as I rubbed her head.

She had come down a few minutes earlier to snuggle. It was early, 5:30 a.m. but the sun shone through my bedroom window, gently easing me awake.

As I stroked her soft hair, I kept thinking about how much I love her and how she is growing up so fast. Six years old now.

Four years ago I wrote about how exhausting it is to tend to little ones, especially at bedtime when you’re spent and just need a break. But how yet, even in the crazy hardness of it all, God made it so that our little ones would need us. Close, and soothing and available. I find that those words are just as true today. She still needs me, pulled in close, surrounding her with comfort and love.

And so I do this. I let her get into bed with me in the early-morning hours because I don’t want to miss it — this precious time, this cuddly, sleepy, warm, tender time. I know it is only for a season, and one day, it will be gone. But I have the here and now; I have today to take it in and enjoy.

And this is how I want to live, taking in these moments so that I can look back on my life and not regret that I missed them.

Every day I get the opportunity to start new. Every day I can begin again. Maybe I missed it yesterday. Maybe I got too busy or I got sucked into Facebook, or I just didn’t want to play with my kids. Those are the moments that keep me up at night. Those are the moments I need God’s grace to cover me so I can start over. I need His help every day.

This loving, this mothering, this living that I’m doing requires sacrifice and work, and I need daily reminders of this truth, or I will let the days carry me off, one rolling into another. I don’t want to regret my days because I don’t want to regret my life.

Here’s the thing about regret: We can’t escape it because we can’t escape sin.

We will have things and times and decisions we will regret over the course of our lives. The key to really living, to living unregrettably, is not to have no regrets, it’s to know and choose to begin again. It’s to be fully awake to our decisions. It’s to choose the direction of our lives the best that we can, with who we are and where we are. It’s to trust God, walking forward in faith, knowing that He delights in us as we delight in Him and the good things He gives us.

We can live in such a way that at the end, we can die satisfied with how we lived.

Satisfied. Not perfect.

Abraham died satisfied with his life, but we know that he sinned and made poor decisions in his life. He didn’t live perfectly, but He followed God by faith, and he lived a well-spent life. He died satisfied.

When we sin or fail or botch up something again, we can decide to move forward, learning from it, and beginning again and again and again. This is how we keep on.

This is how we live a satisfied life.

Heavenly Father, thank You that You don’t leave me in my mess. Thank You that Your mercies are new every day, and that I can begin again. Help me to never forget Your grace, and please help me to live a life that is well-spent. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 Ecclesiastes 3:12-13, "I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor — it is the gift of God." (NASB)

John 10:10, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (NASB)


Thursday, June 18, 2015

"Jump Mom"

My nine year old daughter Jessica is my photographer at home, and she charges me for her services may I add:) this  past weekend she took some pictures of me as usual. What made this photo shoot different was when she told me to jump while she was snapping away. In her childlike tone she said "jump mom". I tried my level best to jump as she took these pictures as everything inside me did not want to jump!
Jessica had such a great time directing me on how high I needed to jump I followed her lead and I trusted her.  We laughed so much and I really had a great time especially after the week I had. I so needed to laugh out loud as life and work can get a little crazy. My daughter did not know that she taught me a lesson by just taking casual photos of me. I realised just then how caught up I was in my own little world, the fact that she told me to jump my mind and body had to follow through with the instruction an action needed to follow.
In my mind I was like no Jess people are watching, my body is stiff I could thought of the excuses.
 The minute I let my feet of the ground I felt lighter and trusted her lead completely, this reminded me of complete surrender to God. As a wife and especially a mom I took the lesson from this very innocent child of mine and realised that I needed to trust God more with the little things that so easily get me my heart and mind in a mess. Letting go is such an easy action by me throwing my hands in the air and me lifting my feet of the ground was all I needed to do to feel the release. We over think the process of letting go so much and me just following my daughters voice and lead, I instantly felt a change and a release.
Just as my daughter gave me direction on what to do next, I was reminded to trust the voice of the Holy Spirit that speaks to me daily and I need to hear his still voice. Jump into the next chapter of your life as you trust the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I trust this post blessed you as I was blessed out of my socks.
Leave me a note, till next time....

Monday, June 1, 2015

I am Content

Contentment a word that has given me a new appreciation for life, a word that puts my life into perspective in so many ways.
The Bible is clear about being content according to Philippians 4:11 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."
I know what it is to have little and I know what it is to have much, in both circumstances I have learnt to be content. Contentment is a personal journey and one has to experience the beauty thereof for oneself as we are all individual and unique. In life we will be tested, we will be tried and we have to go through the process and come out on the other side refined and and changed, having passed the test and lesson learnt. Run your own race, its not a competition, its not a game, it a journey of pure refinement.
My experience with being content has taught me to love myself, love the body I have, love the family I have, love the home I have, love the job I have, love the people God has entrusted me with. Choosing to stay in peace and not allowing myself to get intimidated or react to situations that will steal my joy and peace.
I choose to be content, I choose to stay in prayer, I choose peace, I choose joy, I choose to love, I choose to forgive, I choose Life.
I hope this post inspired you to find contentment within the deepest part of you, it is within you, find it.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Celebrating 13 Years of Marriage

On the morning of my wedding thirteen years ago, I woke up extremely calm and excited aIl at once. I pinched myself  a couple of times thinking girl you are getting married today, and you leaving your hometown Port Elizabeth to a new life in the big Johannesburg.
I left behind my mom and sisters, family and friends and a great church that I was part of for most of my life. Starting over in a foreign place not knowing anyone was very daunting. Nonetheless this was the beginning of great journey that awaited Brandon and I as soon as we said" I do". We literally left it all behind, "Leaving and Cleaving"

A lesson that I learnt early in our marriage was to always stand as one, united no matter what the odds were, we had each other. We did not have much in material things but we had more than enough we had us. We settled well into our new home and soon after that we had to move to Swaziland for 9 months, another adjustment for us, but we made it work. We were determined and focused to build our lives together.
I think of the pearls of wisdom I was given at my bridal shower by aunty Mercia, she said you must make your house a home, you as a woman have the power to change the atmosphere the minute you walk into your home just by the tone of your voice, a lesson that stayed with me throughout the years. Young and married was an adventure, we had loads of time together,before the kids came along.
We faced challenges, we prayed, we cried, we laughed, through sickness and health, for richer for poorer. We are still learning in this amazing journey called  marriage. When times were hard and family far away ,we found family in friends and still have those people around today. We learnt how to appreciate each other and not take anything for granted.
Keeping the communication lines open at all times and forgiving each other quickly keeps the love tank full. Spending time together alone with no kids around is something we invest in, to keep the love alive. I can go on and on but I feel really blessed to have met such a wonderful life partner. We so different and yet we fit. We know it is only by the Grace of God that we are who we are today.
Thank you for reading and sharing in our joy, thirteen years and counting !!!